Welcome to the Party that loves you and wants you to drink Green Tea. You are among friends!
The GREEN TEA PARTY, (not to be confused with the Green Teeth Party), was formed spontaneously from a number of tea leaves in the kitchen of a woman named Gerta. It has since spread to many, many places, we reckon. In Racine, Wisconsin, 2000, we drew up our first Constitution, which states as follows:
1 - This is not a Constitution yet - right now it is just a Party Platform.
2 - We mainly follow our fearless leader, Hal Sparks, and drink a lot of green tea, talking about him.
3 - We declare all Mondays to be meat-free. Coincidentally, this also outlaws Ann Coulter.
6 - All Baby Boomers should be locked up. Or else get health care.
7 - We gather every month at the Safari Cup Cafe in Chicago, Illinois, where we compare tea bags and grouse to ourselves about annoying coffee-drinkers.
8 - We want our representatives to CHANGE! We want progressive policies IN, and idiots and parasite corporations and lobbiests OUT!
9 - We take no stance on anything that happens at Starbucks.
10- We are pro-HEALTH. HEALTH SUPPLEMENTS SHOULD NOT BE CONTROLLED BY THE GENTECH OR PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRIES!
11 - We want to annex Ireland.
12 - We want Harry Scheir to get better material.
13 - FAIR TRADE, NOT FREE TRADE! We want fair tariffs, a radically reformed NAFTA, and less dependence on CHINA for our green tea, tainted lead toys, microscopic plastic pollutants and artificially glutenized scones - much as these cheap products are desired by the general public.
14 - Better TV shows would be nice.
15 - This country needs to convert to solar energy, wind energy, green living and sustainability YESTERDAY!!!
16 - Always say "please".
17 - Legalize teapots for medicinal uses, damn it!
18 - We don't believe in big government. We don't believe in small government. We believe in REASONABLE GOVERNMENT.
19 - Bring back white clover in grass seed!!! And no more grass seed from KENTUCKY - until it gets two new Senators, at least.
20 - OUR PRIMARY MISSION IS TO DRINK TEA AT LOLITA GATHERINGS.